Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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