We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
