Jerry, you need to find god
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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