You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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