the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
