Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We left an ass print on the piano.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
