He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
