If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
