I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
