so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
im holly from the hills drunk
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
