the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize