Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
