I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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