he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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