Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
