so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
