I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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