Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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