Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Houston, we have a squirter
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
