Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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