I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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