i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Enjoy the penises
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
