I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
