there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
