You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
