You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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