I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
