Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
