The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize