My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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