i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
