Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
