singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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