I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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