Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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