HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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