it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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