i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
