Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I need to calm my uterus...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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