Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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