found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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