Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
