It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
