I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
