I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Pants are for mortals
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
