alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
