Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
