Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
