Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
