is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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