On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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