the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
