i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
