you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
