White coat. Heels.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
