I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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