Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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