im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
