I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
