I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
