Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
