Where did you get a picture of my penis
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
