I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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