Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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