Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize