I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
