i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
